I’m not good at dating. This comes as no surprise to me and likely to most people I know but it bears enough importance that I feel the need to blog about it.
In what way am I failing? I can’t commit.
I’m not sure of the reasons why I’m unable to do so but I think they can mostly be summed up by saying this: I have yet to find the right one.
I’ve found potential mates on websites, I’ve gone speed dating and I’ve dated friends as well of friends of friends but each time, it ends. Granted, things always end for different reasons but I’ve noticed that with the exception of my jaunt over to Europe, many of the almost-relationships I’ve had over the last few years come to a screeching halt when I can’t envision myself spending my life with that one individual.
I am constantly reminded of a couple of friends back home who would discuss their inability to commit and how it stems from a belief that humans are not designed for monogamy. I always found this belief scary and bordering on an excuse to run from things which hold the potential to cause pain but as I look back at my patterns, I wonder… am I not destined to spend my life with one person?
I’m not suggesting that I should live a life of promiscuity or polygamy but at the same time, long term commitments are something which I am unable to fathom right now. It’s a bizarre and threatening realization which makes me contemplative and concerned that I may be a crazy cat lady in the making (but I am allergic to cats, so I may collect plants instead).
Regardless, I’ve come to accept that I need to take a break from my random and poorly thought out attempts at finding love. I need to concentrate on my future endeavors regarding career, travel and leisure. I also need to refocus my attention onto my reasons for making my move across the country, namely to find myself and figure out what makes me tick. It’s an arduous process but one which requires completion.
In the meantime, I’ll be sharing some of my dating horror stories over the last couple of years but I will likely only share the cringe-worthy. I want to protect the innocent and be respectful because intermingled with the bad, there were also a couple of really good people who didn’t quite fit into my world. They deserve better than to have a smear campaign on my blog and believe it or not, there are some things which I prefer to keep to myself.
Be well. xo
